The Pain, the Pisser and the Potted Plant

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

So in the bathroom (you know, the one with all the gravity) there's this potted plant. (A 'sanseveira' for those of you who are into the whole plant thing.) Anyway, so I go into the john for a piss and everything starts out just fine. Rockin' my ""drunken, hairy ,ballerina" pose so that I don't piss on the wall. Just like before, grabbed my crutches and everything went fine at first, but then I feel something sneaking its way into the back of my shorts. I grabbed my pants, and pulled them up higher (I guess this was protective instinct) and when I did, I felt a....tug...from behind.....???.....It appears that I had enclosed one of the potted plant's leaves in my undies and was in the process of dragging it like a great, filthy, terra cotta-armoured tail, through the bathroom.

Thankfully, I realized what was about to transpire before I actually made a horrific mess of the place. I reached back, yanked the offending blade out of my ass (ok, it was near my ass) and began straightening my clothes. As I pulled my shirttail out of my underwear, my hand came forward and knocked my right crutch out from under my arm. Springing into action like a decrepit super hero (I'm thinking 'The Hobbler') I reach out to the table and grab the top of it, sending the formerly offending and now unsuspecting houseplant hurdling into the bathtub. When the dirt finally settled I was thankful of two things.

1. I was upright at the end of it all
2. At least it's a garden tub